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Maxioms by Emo Philips

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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, read more

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

by Emo Philips Found in: New york Quotes,
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I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you read more

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

by Emo Philips Found in: Adultery Quotes,
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

by Emo Philips Found in: Murder Quotes,
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the read more

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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