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Maxioms by Jack Handy

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Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother read more

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I read more

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little read more

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he read more

Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling hes story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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