It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. read more

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders. - Oscar Firkins: Memoirs and Letters.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.

The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.