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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with read more
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself