Comedy Quotes

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, more

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one more

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by more

The most protean aspect of comedy is its potentiality for transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different more

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you more

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, more

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

What do you mean, funny? Funny-peculiar or funny ha-ha?

What do you mean, funny? Funny-peculiar or funny ha-ha?

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework