Jack Handy

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger read more

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children read more

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.