Emo Philips ( 4 of 4 )
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the read more
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you read more
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, read more
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
