William S. Gilbert

Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream.

Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream.

My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time--
To let the punishment fit the crime.

My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time--
To let the punishment fit the crime.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.

Though "Bother it" I may
Occasionally say,
I never never use a big, big, D.

Though "Bother it" I may
Occasionally say,
I never never use a big, big, D.

Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
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Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule--
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be Rulers of the Queen's Navee.