I also wish that the Pledge of Allegiance were directed at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, as it read more

I also wish that the Pledge of Allegiance were directed at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, as it is when the President takes his oath of office, rather than to the flag and the nation

The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss.

The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss.

No easy problems ever come to the President of the United States.
If they are easy to solve, somebody read more

No easy problems ever come to the President of the United States.
If they are easy to solve, somebody else has solved them.

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it.

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it.

You really have to experience the feeling of being with the
president in the oval office. . . . read more

You really have to experience the feeling of being with the
president in the oval office. . . . It's a disease I came to call
Ovalitis.

Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over read more

Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president's spouse. I wish him well.

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, read more

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'

I'm Jimmy Carter, and I'm going to be your next president.

I'm Jimmy Carter, and I'm going to be your next president.

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward read more

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.