Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer read more
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless read more
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, read more
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on.
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out read more
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save read more
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who read more
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.
