Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.