Jon Stewart

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys read more

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed read more

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with… at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and read more

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be a bit of a fat cat. Unlike the President who — as we all know — before attending Andover and Yale, was a Cockney matchstick girl dying of tuberculosis.

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We read more

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and the reason read more

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and the reason that maybe they keep him only in loyalty oath audiences, is if he becomes angry, I do believe he turns into the Hulk. And so, they try and keep people from questioning him, because he'll just -- the shirt rips, and suddenly he has hair. So he's been my favorite, because he just goes out there to a room full of supporters and says, 'You know we're all going to die, right?' You're going to die unless I'm in charge.'