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  •   11  /  25  

    We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

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  26  /  28  

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed read more

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with… at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.

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  8  /  29  

News, news, news, my gossiping friends,
I have wonderful news to tell,
A lady by me her read more

News, news, news, my gossiping friends,
I have wonderful news to tell,
A lady by me her compliments sends;
And this is the news from Hell!

by Lord Lytton Found in: News Quotes,
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  26  /  44  

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't… you know, it's interesting. read more

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't… you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.

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  8  /  30  

Who, or why, or which, or what,
Is the Akhond of Swat?

Who, or why, or which, or what,
Is the Akhond of Swat?

by Edward Lear Found in: News Quotes,
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  22  /  35  

O, my sweet sir, news fitting to the night,
Black, fearful, comfortless, and horrible.

O, my sweet sir, news fitting to the night,
Black, fearful, comfortless, and horrible.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  9  /  39  

As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far
country.

As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far
country.

by Bible Found in: News Sayings, General Sayings,
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  16  /  39  

How goes it now, sir? This news which is called true is so like
an old tale that the read more

How goes it now, sir? This news which is called true is so like
an old tale that the verity of it is in strong suspicion.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  9  /  15  

He's gone, and who knows how may he report
Thy words by adding fuel to the flame?

He's gone, and who knows how may he report
Thy words by adding fuel to the flame?

by John Milton Found in: Gossip Quotes, News Quotes,
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  27  /  28  

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They read more

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They don’t know they’re being funny.

by Stephen Colbert Found in: News Quotes,
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