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    But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with… at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.

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  14  /  30  

What, what, what,
What's the news from Sway?
Sad news,
Bad news,
read more

What, what, what,
What's the news from Sway?
Sad news,
Bad news,
Comes by the cable; led
Through the Indian Ocean's bed,
Through the Persian Gulf, the Red
Sea, and the Med-

by George Thomas Lanigan Found in: News Quotes,
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  10  /  28  

For evil news rides post, while good news baits.

For evil news rides post, while good news baits.

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  24  /  29  

Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news
Hath but a losing office, and his tongue
Sounds ever read more

Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news
Hath but a losing office, and his tongue
Sounds ever after as a sullen bell,
Rememb'red tolling a departing friend.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  19  /  14  

It is good news, worthy of all acceptation, and yet not too good
to be true.

It is good news, worthy of all acceptation, and yet not too good
to be true.

by Matthew (mathew) Henry Found in: News Quotes,
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  29  /  25  

I am a tiny, neurotic man, standing in the back of the room throwing tomatoes at the chalk board. And read more

I am a tiny, neurotic man, standing in the back of the room throwing tomatoes at the chalk board. And that's really it. And what we do is we come in in the morning and we go, "Did you see that thing last night? Aahh!" And then we spend the next 8 or 9 hours trying to take this and make it into something funny.

by Jon Stewart Found in: The daily show Quotes,
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  27  /  28  

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They read more

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They don’t know they’re being funny.

by Stephen Colbert Found in: News Quotes,
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  8  /  14  

Where village statesmen talk'd with looks profound.
And news much older than their ale went round.

Where village statesmen talk'd with looks profound.
And news much older than their ale went round.

by Oliver Goldsmith Found in: News Quotes,
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  8  /  12  

If't be summer news,
Smile to't before; if winterly, thou need'st
But keep that count'nance still.

If't be summer news,
Smile to't before; if winterly, thou need'st
But keep that count'nance still.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  18  /  39  

Ten day ago I drowned these news in tears;
And now, to add more measure to your woes,
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Ten day ago I drowned these news in tears;
And now, to add more measure to your woes,
I come to tell you things sith then befallen.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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