Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you read more

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.