Steven Wright

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you read more

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. read more

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their familiescame and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said,
So. What did you think?.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.