The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.
You May Also Like / View all maxioms
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to read more
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, read more
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I read more
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, read more
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell read more
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It read more
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
