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I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going read more
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the read more
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. read more
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother read more
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a read more
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless read more
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or read more
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.