It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.

Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who read more

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love read more

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

Well-married, a man is winged: ill-matched, he is shackled.

Well-married, a man is winged: ill-matched, he is shackled.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having read more

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.