Medicine makes people ill, mathematics makes them sad, and theology makes them sinful

Medicine makes people ill, mathematics makes them sad, and theology makes them sinful

Take a little rum
The less you take the better
Pour it in the lakes
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Take a little rum
The less you take the better
Pour it in the lakes
Of Wener or of Wetter.
Dip a spoonful out
And mind you don't get groggy,
Pour it in the lake
Of Winnipissiogie.
Stir the mixture well
Lest it prove inferior,
Then put half a drop
Into Lake Superior.
Every other day
Take a drop in water,
You'll be better soon
Or at least you oughter.

There is no medicine to cure hatred

There is no medicine to cure hatred

'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
Are grown so catching.

'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
Are grown so catching.

Learn from the beasts the physic of the field.

Learn from the beasts the physic of the field.

This is the way that physicians mend or end us,
Secundum artem: but although we sneer
In read more

This is the way that physicians mend or end us,
Secundum artem: but although we sneer
In health--when ill, we call them to attend us,
Without the least propensity to jeer.

You rub the sore
When you should bring the plaster!

You rub the sore
When you should bring the plaster!

He is the best physician who is the most ingenious inspirer of hope.

He is the best physician who is the most ingenious inspirer of hope.

I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk
to the bottom of the sea, it read more

I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk
to the bottom of the sea, it would be all the better for mankind
and all the worse for the fishes.