The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind read more

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

The family is the school of duties... founded on love.

The family is the school of duties... founded on love.

He followed in his father's footsteps, but his gait was somewhat erratic.

He followed in his father's footsteps, but his gait was somewhat erratic.

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know read more

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know when they're pissed off. We just don't know in what order these are gonna come at us.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

The mandate for equal opportunity doesn't dictate disregard for the differences in candidates' qualities and skills. There is no constitutional read more

The mandate for equal opportunity doesn't dictate disregard for the differences in candidates' qualities and skills. There is no constitutional right to play ball. All there is a right to compete for it on equal terms.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".