I decided that I would be one of the biggest new names; and I actually had some little fancy business read more

I decided that I would be one of the biggest new names; and I actually had some little fancy business cards printed up to announce it, "Count Basie. Beware, the Count is Here."

"Brooks of Sheffield": "'Somebody's sharp.' 'Who is?'" asked the
gentleman, laughing. I looked up quickly, being curious to know. read more

"Brooks of Sheffield": "'Somebody's sharp.' 'Who is?'" asked the
gentleman, laughing. I looked up quickly, being curious to know.
"Only Brooks of Sheffield," said Mr. Murdstone. I was glad to
find it was only Brooks of Sheffield; for at first I really
thought that it was I.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) read more

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.

Old age is . . . a lot of crossed off names in an address book.

Old age is . . . a lot of crossed off names in an address book.

Called me wessel, Sammy--a wessel of wrath.

Called me wessel, Sammy--a wessel of wrath.

A good name, like good will, is attained by many actions and may be lost by one.

A good name, like good will, is attained by many actions and may be lost by one.

If the fairest features of the landscape are to be named after men, let them be the noblest and worthiest read more

If the fairest features of the landscape are to be named after men, let them be the noblest and worthiest men alone.

I don't like giving names to generations. It's like trying to read the song title on a record that's spinning.

I don't like giving names to generations. It's like trying to read the song title on a record that's spinning.