New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin read more

New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when read more

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone lo wish il on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each read more

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone lo wish il on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that

It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.

It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the read more

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should read more

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul