A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my read more

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when read more

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can read more

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the read more

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the read more

The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and read more

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.