Woody Allen ( 10 of 60 )
Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.
Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
