Dorothy Parker

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do read more

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up read more

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.