Gracie Allen

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the read more

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Gracie comes home from the hospital after visiting a sick friend. (George) 'Where did you get the flowers?' (Gracie) 'I read more

Gracie comes home from the hospital after visiting a sick friend. (George) 'Where did you get the flowers?' (Gracie) 'I went to visit Mable.' (George) 'Yeah, so?' (Gracie) 'WELL, you told me to take her flowers!'