I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could read more

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out read more

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.".

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. read more

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.