Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what read more

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head. -Lady Marguerite Blessington.

A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head. -Lady Marguerite Blessington.

You don't know a woman until you have a letter from her

You don't know a woman until you have a letter from her

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that read more

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Woman was God's second mistake.

Woman was God's second mistake.