Once a man is on hand, a woman tends to stop believing in her own beliefs.

Once a man is on hand, a woman tends to stop believing in her own beliefs.

A mother who is really a mother is never free.

A mother who is really a mother is never free.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, read more

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

She is not made to be the admiration of all, but the happiness of one.

She is not made to be the admiration of all, but the happiness of one.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".