Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old read more

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.

Study to be quiet, and to do your own business. [1 Thessalonians 4:11].

Study to be quiet, and to do your own business. [1 Thessalonians 4:11].

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing read more

The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing else to recommend her but a pair of thighs and choice hunkers, and so smart to void their seed that they marry her at once. They imagine they can live in marvelous contentment with handsome feet and ambrosial buttocks. Most men are accredited fools shortly after they leave the womb.

If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he read more

If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that read more

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.