Phyllis Diller ( 10 of 12 )
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve read more
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have read more
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? we have no enemies.".
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor
