Mark Twain

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not read more

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people read more

All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is read more

Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the read more

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference