Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to
become well known, then wears dark glasses to read more

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to
become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but
as a group decide nothing can be read more

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but
as a group decide nothing can be done.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look read more

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.