W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Happiness means quiet nerves.

Happiness means quiet nerves.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about read more

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.