I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man read more

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.