Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man read more

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.