Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.