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I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

by Rita Rudner Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  22  /  14  

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

by Diana Vreeland Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

by John Wilmot Found in: Funny Quotes,
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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

by Norm Crosby Found in: Funny Quotes,
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This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

by Ethel Barrymore Found in: Funny Quotes,
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

by Groucho Marx Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

by Will Rogers Found in: Funny Quotes,
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