You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself