Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.