If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in read more

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only read more

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.