I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.