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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them read more

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

by Thomas A. Edison Found in: Funny Quotes,
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  24  /  23  

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be read more

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

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Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

by Oscar Wilde Found in: Funny Quotes,
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

by Jack Handey Found in: Funny Quotes,
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I speak two languages, Body and English.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

by Mae West Found in: Funny Quotes, Language Quotes,
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Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

by Delmore Schwartz Found in: Funny Quotes,
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