A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.