After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.