Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another read more

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.