I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

A driver is a king on a vinyl bucket-seat throne, changing direction with the turn of a wheel, changing the read more

A driver is a king on a vinyl bucket-seat throne, changing direction with the turn of a wheel, changing the climate with a flick of the button, changing the music with the switch of a dial.