The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans