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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
A line is a dot that went for a walk.
A line is a dot that went for a walk.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
