The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

To know one's self is wisdom, but not to know one's neighbors is genius.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.