I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.