A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?