I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.