I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.