A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said read more

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.