My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.