Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn't be a staring contest.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.