A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.